One of the things that makes many people nervous is having to fill out a job application. It usually the first step in the hiring process and if you don’t get it right, you may not make it any further. Your application is truly a Segway to getting the interview and eventually, landing the job. That doesn’t mean, however, that you always need to color inside of the lines. When this man filled out an application at a Florida McDonald’s, it not only made some people laugh, but it landed him a job.
Name: Jeremy Skitt
Sex: Not yet but I’m waiting for the right person.
Desired Position: Reclining. Ha ha!! But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place.
Desired Salary: $185, 000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle.
Last Position help: Target for middle management hostility.
Salary: Less than I’m worth.
Most Notable Achievement: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.
Reason for Leaving: It sucked.
Hours Available To Work: Any.
Preferred Hours: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
Do You Have Any Special Skills?: Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment.
May We Contact Your Current Employer?: If I had one, would I be here?
Have You Ever Been Convicted of a Felony?: Is “felony” sex with a cat? Because if it is….no.
Do You Have Any Physical Conditions That Would Prohibit You From Lifting Up To 50lbs? : Of what?
Do You Have a Car?: I think the more appropriate question here would be “do you have a car that runs?”
Have You Received Any Special Awards or Recognition?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.
Do You Smoke?: Only when set on fire.
What Would You like to Be Doing in Five Years?: Living in Bimini with a fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now.
Do You Certify That The Above Is True And Complete To The Best Of Your Knowledge?: No, but I dare you to prove otherwise.